


Miserable at Best

by witnessfortheprosecution



Series: Writings from Tumblr [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Kiss, Fluff, Horrible guy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Past Abuse, Patton's past partner was pathetic, They are the OC, only at the end, songfic (kinda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witnessfortheprosecution/pseuds/witnessfortheprosecution
Summary: After not speaking for 10 months, Virgil isn't sure why his former roommate and secret love, was standing at his doorstep. The truth always hurts more than you know.





	Miserable at Best

**Author's Note:**

> This fic I originally posted on my Tumblr for the Emo Song Prompt Challenge, where you take a song and work some of the lyrics into the fic. The lyrics added may seems a bit odd, but it never becomes abstruse. 
> 
> Please enjoy.

Virgil paused his music and dried his hands, making his way to the door where he heard a knock. He was not expecting anyone, so this was highly unprecedented. Nevertheless, today was a good mental health day for once, so he did not mind talk to a neighbor or politely declining a door to door salesman. What he did not expect was who was actually at the door. 

 

“Hey, Virge,” Patton smiled weakly, pulling his baby blue sweater over his hands. Virgil made an attempt to fix his hair, but to no avail. 

 

“Hey, Pat… It’s been a while,” Virgil said, meekly. Patton just nodded, awkwardly standing at the door. Virgil could have hit himself for his discourtesy, “Uh, come on in,” 

 

Patton stepped through the door and took off his sandals. He was wearing pale yellow chinos to compliment the oversized sweater. His golden curls were just as unruly as ever. 

 

“Uh, you got new glasses,” Virgil pointed out. 

 

Patton chuckled, “Yea, I sat on mine on a plane a couple months ago. Roman said the round glasses compliment my face shape better,” 

 

Virgil inspected the glasses further and found the normal paternal life behind Patton’s eyes was extinguished and waves of sadness were now swimming behind Patton’s beautiful emeralds.

 

“You redecorated,” Patton commented, sitting down on the leather sofa. 

 

“No, I didn’t. Logan did all this interior designer stuff. What I did at first after you….” He trailed off and Patton awkwardly shifted on the couch, “What I did apparently looked like, and I quote ‘hell’,” 

 

Patton weakly chuckled at that, “I am sure it didn’t look that bad,” 

 

Virgil shook his head, “In retrospect, Logan was right. I will never be an interior designer. I know I am good for something, I just haven’t found it yet,” 

 

Patton hummed in response, but didn’t say anything. The awkwardness was thick and heavy in the air, the only sounds present were the humming of the radiator and the dripping of the sink that Virgil did not turn off completely. Patton was playing with a loose thread on his sweater, the uncomfortableness of the situation present on his face and body language. 

 

“What are you doing here, Patton?” Virgil finally asked, not daring to look at the other man, “We haven’t spoken in 9 months,” 

 

“I’m here because I miss you, Virge,” Patton said, his voice cracking slightly. “I- And I wanted to say that I am sorry that I stopped talking to you, I- I- I couldn’t,” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Alex and I are no longer together,” Patton said, and Virgil finally looked over at Patton. A single tear silently streamed down his cheek and he fiddled with the ends of his sweater, “When I moved out of here 10 months ago, Alex and I were solid. But then… He only allowed me to talk to Roman and Logan. I couldn’t talk to you, I couldn’t talk to Remy, I couldn’t even talk Dee, and he’s my brother,” 

 

“Patton… That’s no ok-” 

 

“Let me finish. Everyday was like that. I had to respond to their texts in less than 15 minutes or I get 20 phone calls. Everyday was another jealous rant and another privilege taken away. Eventually, he cut off communication with Logan after he read my texts to him about toxic relationships. I just had Roman who had to walk on eggshells with every conversation. Everyday without my friends or without you, I felt miserable at best, but Alex made me happy, I thought. He loved me and gave me gifts and attention and it felt nice being someone’s priority, rather than an afterthought,” Patton sniffled and rubbed his nose with the sleeve of his sweater, Virgil ran to the kitchen to grab some paper towels, “Thank you. I thought I was happy, but life just got so much harder. My definition of happy turned from the feeling of genuine happiness to making it through a day without bursting into tears. The hardest part of living was just taking breaths to stay. It wasn’t until 4 months ago that I left, because Alex snapped and hit me, in the face, and that was my limit,” 

 

“Patton I-” Virgil tried to blink away the tears that were forming in his eyes, “I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have given up trying-” 

 

“I stopped talking to you, Virgil. Do not put this on yourself. I have been working for a couple months to come to terms with what happened. It was an abusive relationship. A very toxic, manipulative one, I am trying to rebuild the relationships with everyone who I cut off. Dee still needs some time, but it is nice to have Logan and Remy back in my life again,” Patton sighed, and cleared his throat, “I tried for a couple months to feel okay again, to feel normal again, but there was one glaring thing that was missing, and that was you,” 

 

Virgil’s eyes widened, “Me?” 

 

Patton chuckled sadly, “Yes you. Virgil, you were my best friend before my relationship, my roommate. I need you in my life, ‘cause nothing feels like home, because it felt like you’re a thousand miles away. You are my home, Virgil.” 

 

Virgil sighed and jumped a little when he felt Patton’s warm hand on his cheek, rubbing away tears that he didn’t know were forming. 

  
“I have got to say Pat, my life without you, it has not been easy,” He chuckled slightly and Patton softly smiled, “It got really hard to be okay. Like, I love Logan and Roman, but they aren’t… You. They don’t have your warmth or your kindness or your intuition and neither of them are in tune with their feelings at all,” 

 

“When will they stop pining and just get together?” Patton quipped. 

 

“I have no idea,” Patton chuckled softly out of his nose and Virgil continued, “The point is, I have missed you more than you know, more than anyone does probably. And, I know things may be hard right now, but I promise that you’ll get through it,” He took Patton’s hands in his, “ I can’t wait to see that spark back in you, because compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright,” 

 

Patton looked down at their hands and sighed, “It has not been easy, not at all. I had to get a restraining order, go to a lot of therapy, take time off work, but I am much better now. I don’t think I will ever be the same, that is unreasonable to expect, but I just hope that my experience can help others,” 

 

Virgil smiled and shook his head, “God, you are incredible. I don’t know how someone as kind and sweet as you can actually be real,” 

 

Patton looked at Virgil, lovingly, “Thank you, Virgil,” Patton lifted up Virgil’s hands and softly kissed them. 

 

Virgil’s heart was beating out of his chest and his cheeks felt like they were on fire. He didn’t like to be bold or brash very often, nevertheless, his emotions were running highwire and he cupped Patton’s cheeks like something precious and placed a soft kiss on his lips. 

 

The kiss was wrought filled with bittersweet emotion and longing, the kind that long distance lover have when the are parting once again, when you kiss after making up from a fight with your betrothed, or when you have not seen your best friend in 10 months. 

 

Virgil pulled away, eyes wide, “I am so sorry, Pat, I didn’t if that was-” 

 

Patton grabbed the back of Virgil’s neck and pulled him in again. Patton’s hands were sweaty and warm and his lips were as soft as pillows against Virgil’s slightly cracked lips and constantly cold hands. 

 

Once they parted, the room was full of sweetness and love, one that you could only experience. Virgil’s hands were still cupped on Patton’s face and his hand was still on the back off Virgil’s neck. They pressed their foreheads against one another, their breaths entangling with each other and they rode their high of love.

 

“Wow. I missed the lips that made me fly,” Patton said. 

 

Virgil frowned, “That was our first kiss,” 

 

“Let me be romantic,” 

 

Virgil chucked in response and softly kissed Patton again, getting addicted to the feeling of his lips on Patton’s. 

 

“Virgil, do you mind if we take things, kind of slow. I am still kind of hurting so I want to wait before we do anything like labels or those things, y’know,” Patton bit his lip, and Virgil chuckled, his heart melting at the adorableness of the other. 

 

“I would wait 1000 years for you, Patton. Take all the time you need,” 

 

Patton gave a small laugh and kept smiling, “Do you think we could keep kissing?” 

 

“Of course, my love,” The pair reconnected and the fire behind Patton’s eyes was beginning to rekindle into its former flame. 

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics: I know I am good for something, I just haven’t found it yet; without you, I felt miserable at best; The hardest part of living was just taking breaths to stay; ‘cause nothing feels like home, you’re a thousand miles away; compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright; I missed the lips that made me fly.
> 
> Follow me (send me prompts) on Tumblr: thealphabetmurders


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